The year 2019 is coming to a close, and I don’t know if you are like me in this moment- since all I can say is ONLY God. I came into 2019 saying “Give me this mountain”, was reminded at some point in the summer that the mountain is still mine, and I am leaving 2019 saying “the battle is still mine”. I have learnt that this journey of life is filled with high and lows, victories and what feels like defeat- depending on your perspective. However at the end of the day, I walk away saying ONLY GOD!
My relationship with God has grown this year now that I reflect. I have become more understanding of his grace, and this in turn has made me more gracious toward myself.
I have continually learned to just let go, and let God. I think this year, I have also become more at peace with how God leads me. As I have learned that I am an analogy queen, I will use an analogy to explain…lool.
My journey with God is like my current eyesight. I can see things from a far but the image is not sharp, blurry at the edges and I can’t see the finer details. It is only when I get closer, that the object and its finer details become clear. God guides me, but I only see blurry imagery, nothing is clear until I get closer. I am the person he doesn’t tell the destination, he teaches me trust by walking, he reveals as I walk. And so, many things were revealed this year, as I walked.
This year, I did not frequent my blog as much as I wanted to, between working odd and long hours, along with other activities. I let the blog slip to the back burner. I would even say, I got comfortable with not writing. I relaxed into a state of complacency, and was not as proactive in many areas as I could have been. Lessons were definitely learned on planning and strategy. But as the light dimmed in some areas, it shined in others.
This year as I have walked, I was challenged to utilize my writing ability in new ways, by hosting a therapeutic writing workshop at the MSK Retreat, Teaching on Achieving Visions during the MSK Life Class, Hosting a therapeutic writing poetry session at Church, using this ability to aid in the formulation of 365 Ministries Manifesto ++++ . With this, there is so much more to come.
I saw two of my friends say I do, and was blessed to stand with them. Travelled on my own twice. I went home and spent some time (though brief) with my grand mommy. With that visit I preached in the Church I grew up in, without my dad present but had his blessing (Last year 2018- I taught with my dad present- this year, I was all by myself but in the company of family)
I delivered multiple poetry pieces, still got to do one of my favorites jobs- be a nurse in a long term care home and read a few books (big win).
As I said, I am learning to be more gracious to Ashley. I have to talk about the smiles that shone brighter than the disappointments. A friend of mine pointed out, that I do a great job at times, of picking at the 10% from the 100% I did not get, while still having 90%. He challenged me to celebrate the 90% I did achieve, and pointed out that I should be proud of that. Proud of the 90% that God allowed me to achieve. And that is what I am doing, celebrating my 90%.
As I go into 2020 with new abilities made clear to me, I am excited to see what will come into focus the closer I get to my destinations on the journeys God takes me.
The mountain Caleb spoke of in Joshua 14, was promised by God, but the battle for that mountain was not won overnight.
The mountains we aspire to conquer, take the strength of our will. They are ours, but yet we battle with both internal and external forces to make it to the top, to enjoy the view. Just keep trusting God, His word is good!
2019 ends with me simply saying the battle is not over…. To be continued. I am not defeated. Only made stronger and wiser. Yes, I have spoken of a few victories, but don’t get it twisted there were some stumbles, and some harsh moments, that I hope to discuss in the future. For now, let’s all simply rejoice in the achievements of this year, let the focus be on this fact a friend of mine shared- we are limping.
There is a testimony in that limp, so own it!
Thank you as always for your continued support. Happy Holidays!
See you in 2020!
Ashley #followerofChrist
