Today is my birthday! Yaay! I have been on a hiatus for the past month and today I felt the need to share, one of the biggest lessons I have had to learn and I am still learning in my few years on this earth. It was while having a great conversation with friends when this title began to bug me. To date this has been the most difficult post to formulate. I really pray that as you read it, you will understand the thoughts I am trying to express.
One thing I have thoroughly enjoyed thus far is watching the babies in my life grow. I have seen them at first being wholly reliant on their parents, and then after a few months they begin to become more independent, holding their bottle, sitting up, clapping and smiling. The part of the growth and development stage that I love the most thus far is watching them learn to walk. How they first stand, testing out their legs, then take their first tentative steps, and once they know it is possible and there is nothing to prevent them from walking, they do just that- walk!
The part of this that inspires me the most is the falling-when a baby fresh on his/her feet, take a few steps and then their little legs buckle. I find it so remarkable the resilience that lies in learning to walk. Falling but picking yourself right back up, to do the same thing that resulted in that fall. As I have grown, and I have examined even my own life I sometimes wonder where is that willingness to fall in order to walk? To walk despite knowing that I will fall, knowing that my legs may just buckle and cause me to face plant. To still test out my legs and take those few tentative steps.
To be honest this is what I am re-learning to do. I am learning to fall. To face plant. To make my legs buckle. To eat dirt. Because in learning to fall I will also learn what it means to rise. To gain that determination that I have seen in these babies. I don’t know if it is culture or something that has been perpetuated by society, but I find that as I have grown older, there is this need to be perfect- without mistakes, which to me no matter the area of life is so daunting, and overwhelming. Where is the nature of the child? Falling without resistance, welcoming with open arms the fall that will definitely bring pain but teach joy in the process.
It is amazing to think, that while I focus on the fall, the babies only focus on the walk. This is one thing that I have struggled with so many times- falling and still 50 miles down the road thinking about how I could have prevented the thing that I cannot control. I love when babies fall and cry and their parents pick them up, say comforting words and two minutes later you see that baby get right back up, doing the same thing that caused the fall in the first place.
But what I love so much depicted in the relationship of many parents and their children, is the relationship that God wants to have with us. That’s why we were admonished in the word to become like little children (Matt 18:3), so that when we fall, and we feel pain God will pick us up, brush us off and tell us it will be okay, fully trusting in Him to protect and guide us. Not only that but being child like requires us to embody the concept of moving on. Taking what we need from our past “failures” and “mistakes” but letting them go. Not chaining ourselves to our past mistakes, allowing them to consistently drag us down or bring condemnation into our lives. Because guess what? There is therefore now no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus (Rome 8:1). There is Hope! There is no need to be ashamed! No need to feel like your mistake is a definition of who you are. What you are is human, capable of making mistakes but also capable of change.
As an adult I find that many times when we falter, there are people who will never respond as a loving parent would to a child, maybe because, we are adults and people expect “better”. So many times instead of comforting words, we may find that we get kicked while we’re down. Those people will not choose to cheer us on and say come on get back up, you can do it! There is still more growing to do! Maybe because of these incidents our confidence will waver and we develop this fear of falling. However I am learning that though I do rely on the people around me, I have to fully rely on the father above, and I also have to challenge myself not to view Him as I would view man. It is my confidence in Jesus as my heavenly father which will allow me to hold fast to my confidence (Heb 11:35).
Since Jesus is the standard I am also challenged to show mercy and grace to those who falter just as I have done and will do. Babies will frequently fall as they learn to walk but no matter how old or experienced you are on your feet there is always a chance that you will stumble and fall.
As the date of my birth, marks the beginning of a new season (fall- oh the pun!). It also marks the beginning of a new season in which I declare “I am learning and willing to fall, in order to learn what it means to rise”
Proverbs 24:16 KJV “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.”
-Ashley #followerofJesusChrist
*disclaimer: I did not realize that this piece related in any way to the change in season until I was editing*
